Russian President Vladimir Putin announces plans for a series of homegrown consoles, following previous sanctions that limited sales of Western ones.
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Xbox? No comrade, we have BlyatBox. It play games such as Super Vladio, Legend of Velda, and Dance Dance Crushing Opposition and Revolution and forming a Blood Thirsty Dictatorship
And the Vladstation 5 comes with bootleg Helldivers 2. If you pass the tutorial you get shipped to the Ukraine front.
The graphics on the VS 5 are revolutionary. Wait, I didn’t mean that, please don’t take me to gulag
With which chips exactly, Vlad? You’re scraping processors out of washing machines for your weapons.
Russia actually does produce their own CPUs:
Edit: Likely Chinese fabs, but point was that they are producing them… just ~half are defective products
They’re not really high tech though.
It’ll probably be a shanzhai Steam Deck clone, made largely if not entirely in Shenzhen, with a version of Linux modified to not run unapproved games (and to allow the FSB to monitor any subversive activities). Also, it’ll probably be hacked within two weeks, disabling the surveillance features and making it run a full complement of warez and emulators.
This will be great, the rusbox 720 where in every game you play as a hulked out Putin wiping out gay, Ukrainian, and American hoards non stop. Buying one and playing it for hours a day becomes mandatory and enforced by law. Putin declares it a massive success and has a photo op of himself “playing” it with a bunch of happy kids while holding the controller upside down. They’re notoriously unreliable and they only ever get 3 official titles, and in the end they are just used to play pirated copies of GTA 4.
With blackjack. And hookers.
I wonder if they could get away with selling a PC based console filled with pirated games.
Dendy Deck
In Soviet Russia, video game control you!
Or, these consoles will be made using extremely high tech chips and other parts that can easily double as cockpit displays and flight controllers in missiles.
