Millions of people have experienced sleep paralysis yet next to nothing is known about the phenomenon.
For 18 years Cathy Whitaker has become familiar with the grim figure mentioned above.
On the face of it, the 54-year-old Melbourne woman lives a ‘normal’ life.
She’s been married 29 years, has two grown sons and a supportive family and network of friends.
Without digging a little deeper, you wouldn’t know Cathy struggles with depression triggered after several family members passed away and then again by a work accident.
It was about this time sleep paralysis started creeping into her life.
“I was first diagnosed with depression in 1997 which is when the sleep paralysis started,” she said.
“The first episode that I can recall happened less than a week after my Nanna passed away. At the time I thought I was having a stroke and that I would be paralysed, yet aware for the rest of my life.
“I was beyond terrified. I went straight to my GP the next morning. He told me I was just having nightmares but sent me to a neurologist who said it was “nocturnal paralysis”
I had my first episodes in my 20s. I don’t have the big scary demon in the room or sitting on me feeling. The first couple times it happened I described it as dreaming about the physical space I was actually sleeping. Sometimes the “dream” would be like playing a game with low frame rate. Stuttering movement. Then a realization that I was actually in a state between being asleep and awake. The common thread is I want to wake up but I can’t.
20 years later I have a much better understanding of what it is and when it might happen. Sometimes I can use this knowledge to remind myself that whatever I’m experiencing isn’t real. It’s temporary. I WILL wake up soon. My perception of time isn’t accurate and rationally I just need to relax and I’ll be awake again soon. Other times I can’t seem to get a handle on it and I feel like I’m having a full panic attack. I’m trying to scream. I’m trying to wiggle. I’m trying to alert someone in the room that I’m in distress and they need to wake me up. But of course I’m paralyzed by sleep and I can’t do any of that.
I’ve had people observe me when it’s happened and until I actually do jolt awake in a full blown, gasping and panting, freak out, they said they had no idea anything was wrong with me.
For me it doesn’t seem to be linked to anything psychological in my life. The only common thread I’ve observed, it is more likely to happen if I’m too hot. If I’m under too many blankets, or if I fall asleep on the couch with my clothes on. Also being over tired.
This is sleep paralysis? You just described my most hated kind of nightmare (including the try for wiggles, screaming and the hope someone wakes me please up).
It’s so weird. Though I KNOW I’m sleeping, I’m so terrified.
Edit: Sometimes when this happens I “wake up” only to realize I’m still sleeping and in my hated dream. Sometimes I’m several layers inside the dream (fake waking up for 1-3 times), before I finally wake up for real.
You can actually induce this in yourself. My friend and I would practice techniques meant to help induce lucid dreaming, and while having a lucid dream was difficult to achieve (I only achieved one super chaotic lucid dream), I definitely had way more instances of sleep paralysis during that period.
It was scary when it first happened but once I understood what it was I wouldn’t panic and the hallucinations that came with it became less nightmarish and instead just kind of odd. My reaction to it became more of “Ah, this shit again.” and after a bit of struggle I’d eventually I’d just become fully conscious.
I used to get it fairly often. I would almost always get it when I slept at my mom’s house. For a while I thought it was haunted but then I realized it’s just associated with sleeping on my back. But oddly enough I had a really creepy old hag one particular night who was sticking her tongue in my ear. I strangled her and I haven’t had sleep paralysis since.
