I’m just tired, sad, ill, disappointed, and so very alone. That’s all I got this week.

Honestly, when I left Reddit I was extremely excited by the potential of federation, but at least in the case of Lemmy, my enthusiasm was premature. I mostly stay on Beehaw these days.

I’m a member of a few communities on other instances- for example, I’m super into aquariums and “Pets” just doesn’t quite do it for me as it lacks in-depth discussion of aquarium fish, and as an autistic/ADHD adult “neurodivergence” doesn’t quite meet my needs as it seems to be strongly focused on people who only have ADHD.

The communities I’ve joined on other instances don’t have a lot of traffic, so I end up back here 99% of the time, and that’s okay. If Beehaw decides to become a non-federated community I will still be here. I have a few other accounts I can use to access the Fediverse should I want to do so.

I started to post yesterday, but I was feeling down for no discernable reason, and I couldn’t think of anything to say other than how awful I felt. Today, thankfully, I feel a lot better.

Much to my joy, my youngest (who is 20 years old) has agreed that, instead of me scrambling around looking for perfect, expensive presents for Christmas for everyone (which is pretty much exclusively my job), we’re all just going to buy stocking stuffers for each other and let each person buy their own expensive things instead of expecting me to do it for them. It just seems so ridiculous to me that I got my kids addicted to a Christmas celebration that often left me so burned out that I’d spend the week between Christmas and New Year’s in bed. We’re not even Christian, and my kids are adults, so why on earth am I still killing myself to make the day perfect for them, when they have no interest in doing the same for me? We all have similar incomes, so this seems very fair to me. I hope it will take some of the stress out of the coming season.

Finally, I’m starting to feel better on CPAP. Got a full face mask instead of those horrific nasal pillows (I don’t get how having something shoved into your nostrils is supposed to be the most comfortable option, especially when I had to tape my mouth shut to make them work at all!). I kept waking up flat on my back, when I haven’t been able to breathe while laying on my back since the mid-1990s. Checked my data using OSCAR, and have learned a whole lot. Apparently, with a CPAP and a full face mask, I can both breathe and sleep just fine on my back- last night I only spent thirteen seconds total in apnoea- and I’ve had some episodes of deep sleep that lasted more than an hour, when I couldn’t maintain deep sleep for two minutes with untreated apnoea.

This of course makes me wonder if I’ve actually had apnoea since the mid-1990s and how much damage I’ve done to my brain. At my age I doubt I will get all of it back.

I’m concerned about my eldest, who seems very dull and quiet lately. They’ve been a hardcore tech person since they were a toddler (not even exaggerating) and are now saying things like “I just leave all settings on default, it’s easier”, and not even bothering to do a search when they run into issues with things. They are behaving like my 73-year-old husband and it’s super worrying because they will be 29 next month. I wish I knew what to do to help them.

I also need to stop treating this thread like it’s my personal blog, haha.

Yes, it’s so important to listen to your body. A HSP should not just ignore what they’re feeling or fight to endure discomfort, especially long-term discomfort like unsafe housing…if you are able to move, I hope you will, because constant negative overstimulation can lead to burnout, which can have a really severe mental health toll over a lifetime. I was rendered pretty much non-functional for much of my 40s because of it. Now I know I have to put self-care first or i will pay for it.

I identified as HSP for many years prior to my ASD/ADHD diagnosis, but for my entire adult life I’ve done the same: first, I’ve made my bedroom a haven, with a weighted blanket, blackout curtains, fairy lights, etc. and I feel free to retreat to my room when the world is too much. My room is my space, designed for my comfort. (I have a house, but naturally it’s family space and when I’m overwhelmed I really need to be alone).

I don’t force myself to stay on overstimulating situations because I “should”- if there’s a pressing reason I have to stay a bit longer but I just can’t, a five minute breather outside can make a huge difference.

I already mentioned the weighted blanket, but if you don’t already have one, you should get one- and make sure you get one that’s around 10% of your body weight for best effect. I bought mine at the start of the Pandemic and I swear it saved my life, it allowed me to feel safe when absolutely nothing felt safe. Another tool in my box that I would never trade is good noise-cancelling headphones. I’m so glad it’s acceptable to wear them in public nowadays, they have been a lifesaver.

As an autistic who has been online since the early 90s, this article didn’t speak to me at all. My autistic internet comprised IRC and USENET, and it died when LiveJournal died. I still have close friends from those days, when I have no close friends “IRL”- I can’t say that for anyone I met on Twitter or Facebook, in fact I found both of those platforms to begin enshittifying looong before any of the NTs began to notice it.

I don’t think it’s just because I’m an older AuDHD woman, I think the existence of Facebook and Twitter from the mid to late 00s killed the autistic internet.

Once I learned that the thing had been unrefrigerated overnight, it was no longer going into my mouth. My husband was hoping I’d rethink that, so I was actually pleased when the melted plastic made it inedible even by his very lax standards.

This was not actually my mistake, but last year we bought an expensive fresh turkey two days before Christmas, and unbeknownst to me, my husband decided to store it in the oven (mistake #1) then my son turned on the oven to cook something else, causing the turkey’s plastic bag to melt to the turkey (mistake #2).

We had ham for Christmas.

I have been online since the early '90s, and used to be extremely active on many different forums. I even ran a fairly large forum on my own website, using Simple Machines Forums- which, to my surprise, still exists- from 2005-2008 or so.

I can’t say I have a favourite- I really liked SMF back in the day but I have no idea what it looks like now. I really can say that I really miss the pre-Facebook Internet when there were loads of extremely active forums in every imaginable topic, and people found them and used them instead of just creating a Facebook group and pretending that everyone will just use that by default (I refuse to use Facebook for anything).

I don’t think of Reddit and Lemmy as forums, really, not in the old-school sense. Reddit was a poor substitute, as for many years more weight was put on links than on self-posts, and in the old-school forums I’m thinking of, things like upvotes and “likes” didn’t become a thing until they were used on Reddit and Facebook, and I honestly don’t think having those features makes the Internet better.

In 1981, I won a goldfish at the fair. My parents were annoyed about having to buy a bowl for it. It died within days (no living creature should be kept in a half gallon bowl), but I pestered my mom into buying a ten gallon tank for the replacement. This was the beginning of a lifelong hobby- I now have nine aquariums in my living room, and in the past forty-some years have spent many thousands on tanks, fish, plants, fish food, and so on. My most expensive tank cost me €5000 to set up.

And all this began because I spent a quarter and managed to get a ping-pong ball into a cup.

I’m staying right where I am. I live in a country (non-US, not really wanting to be more specific) where there is a clear geographical divide between the two sides, and I’m deep into the territory of the side I prefer and think would win easily.

Also, I have anarchist friends, and that’s who I’d personally be turning to if I needed help or was able to be helpful to others.

I knew something was very different about me from childhood, but I didn’t have a name for it for the first half of my life. Then my children were both diagnosed with autism and ADHD as children because it was obvious and unmistakable. Three of my niblings also were diagnosed with ASD. Then my brother got an adult ASD diagnosis, apparently during his assessment for Disability. However, the only person qualified to assess an adult where I’m living now required cash in hand, and it was fifteen years between beginning to think “maybe I’m neurodivergent too” to my own ASD/ADHD diagnosis at age 46.

Gluten is a protein found in many grains, especially wheat. It is not in rice or potatoes.

To be honest, most gluten-containing items that I can think of are quite bland and are used to “carry” less bland foods- pasta on its own is bland, the flavour is in the sauce.

During my gluten-free years I just found other “carriers” for my flavourful items. Rice is a great example. Potatoes are another. Oatmeal bread is another. I haven’t tried gluten-free pasta in 15 years, but I understand it’s improved greatly since I needed it.

For inspiration, I’d look up recipes for those with Coelaic disease (spelled Celiac by Americans). Another common search term is “GF”. Gluten free lifestyles are so popular these days, the Internet is flooded with ideas and recipes.

My cheat isn’t really an awful cheat- there’s a woman in my town who runs a small Asian supermarket, who also makes handmade sushi that is just incredible. Anytime I am in there I have to get some.

I have nine planted aquariums in my living room.

I’m also into gaming, when I have a few minutes.

I’m full-time carer to a 73-year-old man and two autistic offspring who are in their 20s. So besides that and the aquariums, I’m lucky I have time to breathe.

I was supposed to sometime in Junior High- 7th or 8th grade- which would have been early 1980s. I decided I was getting my period that day because I knew I would not make it one inch up the rope, and that it would also involve my gym teacher screaming at me in front of everyone. I had already deal with years of humiliation during any task requiring arm strength. It was during the six-week period that we worked on gymnastics, which was a complete horrorshow for this dyspraxic. We learned forward roll (which I could just about do), cartwheels (failed), handovers (failed), rings (failed), rope (didn’t participate), and a few other floor moves that I don’t remember.

Thank heavens they let me sub marching band for my PE credits in high school. Though, I didn’t march either, I was sidelined because I could not stay in step. Dyspraxia is a bitch.

I signed up for a Mastadon account at fosstodon, but I don’t use it, so far. I also signed up for lemm.ee just for possible defederation purposes, though I don’t use that, either- I like it here, although it’s quiet (or maybe because it’s quiet).

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I’m in my 50s and was told my whole life that I needed a skin care routine or I’d regret it. My skin was always oily until I hit menopause so I didn’t see a point beyond washing my face every day.

So, I didn’t bother until I was like 49 and started getting a flaky forehead. Seriously, it was like dandruff of the face. It was that, and not wrinkles or fear of them (I have a few, nothing excessive yet) which drove me to using a cleanser and a moisturizer.

I just use Neutrogena Hydro Boost products, no fancy department store stuff. And it works really well, I no longer have facial dandruff. I’m told I look young for my age but I plan to age gracefully- no Botox or fillers or anything like that for me, ever.